Stay Out of It.

You hear about a problem and immediately start solving it.

Who should call whom. What they should say. What needs to happen next.

You could send a link. Make an introduction. Step in and straighten it out.

Hold on.

How did this become your job?

Noticing it doesn’t make it yours

Someone is arguing with someone else. Someone waited until the last minute. Someone made a decision and now doesn’t like what happened.

You know what you would do. You can see a way out.

That doesn’t mean you need to get involved.

You were having a perfectly ordinary day. Now you’re researching options for a situation you weren’t part of ten minutes ago.

Nobody handed it to you. You picked it up.

And once you start, it rarely stays at one helpful suggestion. Now you’re checking what happened. Following up. Reminding them. Getting frustrated because they aren’t doing what you told them to do.

You’ve put more effort into their problem than they have.

Leave it with the people involved

You can listen without making a plan. You can care about someone without taking over what they need to handle.

Their disagreement doesn’t need you in the middle. Their forgotten appointment doesn’t need you on the phone. Their last-minute scramble doesn’t automatically need your evening.

Sometimes there’s a real reason to help. Fine. Decide what you’re willing to do and stop there.

But don’t keep walking into every situation you know how to fix.

You have your own life. It needs some of the attention you keep giving to everyone else’s.

The Antiwhelm Move

When you catch yourself planning the rescue, ask: Am I responsible for this?

If you aren’t, leave it where it is.

Don’t make the call. Don’t send the instructions. Don’t ask for an update just so you can get involved again.

Let the people in the situation handle the situation.

It may be awkward. They may do it differently. They may take longer than you would.

You can let that happen.

Stay out of it.

ANTIWHELM