A Feeling Is Not an Instruction

You leave a meeting and realize you said something weird.

Maybe you did. Maybe nobody noticed. Either way, you’re embarrassed, and now an email explaining what you actually meant sounds like a good idea.

Give it an hour. You may still want to send it. You may also wonder why you were about to make twelve people read a second thing about the first thing.

Feelings change

You can be furious with someone in the morning and ready to talk by dinner.

You can feel guilty about saying no and still mean no.

You can dread going somewhere and have a good time once you get there.

None of those feelings was fake. None needed to make the next decision for you.

The feeling is real. The reaction is optional.

Nothing has to follow it

You don’t have to tell someone every time you’re angry.

You don’t have to fix every awkward minute.

You don’t have to undo a decision because you felt bad right after making it.

Sometimes you’re embarrassed after a meeting. You go get lunch. The feeling changes without an email from you.

The Antiwhelm Move

Next time a feeling makes you want to text, explain, apologize, say yes, or cancel:

• Name the feeling.
• Leave the reaction alone.
• Go do the next ordinary thing.